In a few minutes, I will be turning 20. I just want to savor every last minute of being a teenager and what better way to preserve the memory by blogging how I feel a few minutes before I officially become an adult.
As far as I can remember or in my 19 years of existence, I have always been sad on the 24th of July. Apparently, bad things happen during that time or day. I have never really enjoyed my birthday and oftentimes I would end up crying on that particular day. I do not know why but it feels like the world has turned against me by making me feel worse during that specific day. There are times that I dread my birthday but we all know that it is inevitable. Maybe it is the fact that I am ageing and getting older. More responsibilities are needed to be taken care of. Others think that it is unusual that I am sad during my birthday but I myself find it weird too.
So now, I am quite scared about what will happen tomorrow or later. I am actually expecting the worse so that it is easier for me to accept the string of events. Though there are times that I expect something great will happen but at the end of the day eventually nothing extraordinary have occurred during my birthday. It is like a normal day has passed and I have had better days in my life.
Now that it grows nearer I am having mixed emotions. NOTE TO SELF: Do not EXPECT! Maybe someday something or someone would break the yearly occurrence of my birthday depression. But tomorrow I wear a fake smile on my face and pretend that nothing is wrong when in fact everything feels wrong. : X
